little boy growing tall

Oh you little boy.

You adventurous, busy, big little boy.

You melt my heart.

I love you. You will always be my baby boy. I saw a tall teenager holding his little brother the other day  in church and I thought, "wow, he was once a little boy in his mama's arms." I thought of you as a teenager and felt a knot form in my throat. 

In a good way. At least I think so.

I hope you will grow up to be strong and yet gentle enough to possibly hold a younger sibling the way I saw that young man hold his baby brother. But I'm sad that you are growing so very fast. Sad that I will not always be able to rock you and hold you and kiss your boo boo's.

I hope you will always remember that you are my little boy and that I love you. No matter how tall you get. No matter how many babies I have. No matter what, I will always love you in a most special way.

God is good to give mama's little boys to love.

Getting there

Where I always love to be.

Yesterday I fell asleep during the kid's naptime and fell into this DEEP, deep sleep. I woke up very disoriented. I couldn't remember what day it was or where I was, or where anyone was, really! It was quite odd. The oddest thing though was for a minute, I thought I had my baby, too! I had to think really hard before realizing no, I was still very much pregnant. 

I'm thinking a.) I'm way too tired, like all the time these days. It's been a struggle to go to bed early enough and also just being in the third trimester with three under 6 has not been exactly restful :) I'm pretty used to the feeling by now, but I do have to be careful it doesn't lead me to little meltdowns or falling asleep in the middle of the floor while playing with the kids. 

b.) I am so excited to meet little E.J. I can hardly wait until May!

But, we're getting there. One day I will wake up and it will be the day.

Here are some pregnancy updates since it's all I can think about right now:

-I passed my glucose test. I mean, it was a few weeks back but I'm still grateful it wasn't a problem.

-Emmett is kicking me constantly. I don't think he sleeps all that much! I'm wondering what 8 more weeks is going to do in terms of his strength and size. I'm a little worried, not going to lie. But remember, big brother Michael was 91/2 lbs, so I guess I should prepare myself just in case he wants to try to outdo him.

-I am sleeping better at night, thanks to taking Benedryl sometimes and also just feeling a little better about the state of the world. Well, I don't so much about the latter actually, but I am feeling a little more emotionally relaxed somehow and haven't been waking up and not being able to fall back asleep.

-Still, I'm tired constantly and wish I could stay here most of the day.

Ah, I love this bed so much.

- And not to say my emotions are stable right now. Oh no. Not at all. In fact, this has been the most emotional pregnancy thus far. BY FAR. I cry at the drop of a hat. Commercials, online videos, the news (which isn't surprising as there is a sad situation going on right now that has everyone with a heart crying their eyes out) But really, I cried the other day because the microwave shorted out in the middle of re-heating my lunch. So it can be pretty ridiculous sometimes. Might be related to being tired. So I guess it's a cyclical problem.

-My lower back is very sore, but interestingly I haven't experienced as much sciatic nerve pain as I did with all three of my other pregnancies. I'm not too sure why. Maybe my body is carrying differently this time? I'm grateful for this! I have to be super careful about picking up my 28lb baby Michael though. The days where I'm not, I suffer for it. 

-Louisa has noticed my growing belly, obviously, and makes the funniest comments. It's interesting to see how she's so much more aware this time. She talks a lot about when she's older and is going to have babies. Josie talks about meeting baby Emmett (she loves to tell strangers) but is still generally more unaware of the impending change. Michael is totally clueless, so I'm sure he'll be in for a big surprise! But he does love carrying around baby dolls and stuff animals so I think he'll be sweet.

-I'm still getting migraines and trying to cope as best I can. It's not easy.

-I'm feeling pretty good about the state of the household projects and generally being prepared for baby to come. If he were somehow to come early, I don't think we'd be in that bad of shape. I don't know how many newborn diapers we have laying around but...with the fourth baby I don't think there is anything we don't have. I want to have more summer stuff ready (like with the yard and deck) but I know Mike will have two weeks off so some things can wait until he has that time. (Well...we'll see. He's known to love holding newborns for long periods of time...)

-I just can't wait to be driving to the hospital with Mike and my hospital bag. That anticipation is getting me through all the rough patches. I honestly do fall asleep every night giddy that another day has passed, getting us closer to meet our second son.

Sorry if this post is not so exciting for you to read. I understand. I know it's the fourth time around so...not terribly thrilling probably for some. I remember first getting to know some mothers of multiple children and wondering if it got old after a while. Yeah, not a very nice thought of me to have, but again, not growing up around large families or babies it was a new thing for me. I've already learned the answer: YES. It is still. Exciting. Every. Time. Incredibly exciting to ponder a new life created. Incredibly awe-inspiring and fun. Even with my 4th pregnancy, I still get giddy thinking about that moment I will first meet him. So giddy. Silly Kayleen, how could you have thought otherwise?

7 qt's

-1-

Oh my. This week seems to have gone by rather slowly. Perhaps it's because we were doing this: 

last week?

No, like I said, we really did miss the kids while we were gone. But being footloose and fancy free for a little while was fun and this week it was back to the daily routine. I'm happy it's Friday though, and hopefully this weekend will be both relaxing and productive.
(What? Remember, I'm crazy pregnant girl and I want both!)

-2-

Back to the normal routine!

Louisa worked on some school stuff earlier this morning while Michael and Josie played in the kitchen with playdough. 

Started out nice but 15 minutes later it devolved into...

of course.

-3-

So how is your Lent going? It's been good for me so far. Really good, actually. And there is one reason, and one reason only: p r a y e r. 

Waking up early to pray together is so simple and yet it's been a profound change for the hubs and I. We are loving it so much it's hard to imagine us giving up this practice just because Lent is over. Set your alarm. Offer your day to the Lord. Before the distractions start. You won't regret it.

-4-

I'm getting excited for Pascha, though too. We are working on planning a lunch date next week on the Feast of the Assumption, so that we can go do some shopping for the kid's Easter baskets. I really like shopping at Cost Plus World Market for cute little gifts for the kids. I'd also like to hit up the Catholic book store for some religious items. Hopefully it works out. I always feel better if I can get the baskets ready before Holy Week because I don't really like shopping that week. 

Does anyone have any traditional things they like to put in baskets? I really enjoyed Haley's tutorial for a more meaningful Easter basket. I have done some similar things since I don't just like doing chocolate and cheap-o toys either.

Found these adorable egg holders at Safeway for 1.50 each! Can't wait to decorate some Pysanky  (Ukrainian Easter eggs) to display!

-5-

We all had dental appointments this week. I used to love going to the dentist as a kid. But as an adult I definitely don't. For one thing, I'm usually pregnant, which makes it hard to lay down on my back for any amount of time. But also I've got some sensitivity going on which always makes me cringe and dread the cleanings. It's too bad, I've always had such great, healthy teeth. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm a regular coffee drinker now or because of my pregnancies or just getting older but my teeth are no longer a source of pride for me. Oh well.

We do have a great dentist who loves our kids. The guy has six of his own in fact. Josie had her first visit and did wonderfully. Good job Josie! I hope you always enjoy your dentist visits like I did growing up.

-6-

Speaking of Josie, I absolutely must potty train that girl. Like now. 

I have been putting it off too long. But I'm definitely tired of changing her diapers. And no, we do not want THREE in diapers come May! So. Starting tomorrow morning kid. You're a-wearin' underwear. 

Wish us luck.

-7-

I have high hopes for this weekend. Possibly too high. On the list of things to do:

-take Louisa to the gym where I want to see if she's interested in taking a gymnastics class.
-direct Mike on pressure washing the deck, the gutters, the front driveway, and more (don't worry, he knows he's signed up for this :)
-help put up rabbit fencing around the raised beds and plant early veggie seeds
-see my brother
-go to the beach with the kids
-relax
-rest
-sit down
-re-organize every closet in the house

Yeah. Some of those are probably not happenin'. I really do need to rest though. Hopefully if we make it to a beach I can lay down and soak in some rays while the kids play.

Hope you have a lovely weekend, all! Spring is here!!!

a love of home, a hope for heaven

"try to put in the hearts of your children a love for home. Make them long to be with their families. So much sin could be avoided if our people really loved their homes." blessed Teresa of Calcutta

I posted this quote on my facebook this morning. So great, right? I often think about what life with grown children will be like. What they will be doing with their lives, what Mike and I will be doing. How close or how far they decide to settle. If I will have grandchildren to see often or maybe not so often. I they will be practicing Catholics...

Of course I have an ideal vision of what I would like to happen, but I know that it doesn't always work out the exact way you want it to. I pray often that God gives me the grace and strength to let go of my children when it's time, and little by little as they grow up and need the space to become their own people. I do desire that my children want to remain close to me. I won't deny it for a second that I would absolutely love to have them all in the same town or even in the same neighborhood! Again though, I know that's not what's important, not necessarily. 

Perhaps more important is that we do whatever we can to create a place that they will always look back on with fondness. That they will think of "home" as a serene, loving, safe place to them. While we probably won't be living in this particular home until all our children are adults - wherever that place is - I feel it is a big part of my vocation to make it the best place I can. I really do feel it is my duty as their mother to give them this. And Mike too, but it is chiefly my responsibility because I am their mother, the one who is home with them most often and who constructs the home's atmosphere, for better or for worse!

On this feast of St. Joseph, I also have many thoughts on how God designed the home to be the first place for children to witness virtue, and to have the space and love they need to develop it for themselves. If you think about it, Jesus lived about 30 years of family life before he went out into the world to do his work! 

(how I would love to have my children stay with me for 30 years ;)

Just having a pre-lunch snack.

What goes into creating a home where children will want to be - from when they are 3 to when they are 18, and beyond?

Well, I think the externals are a big part of it; though not everything. Having a degree of organization, clean clothes and sheets and toys, natural light, good food, and religious symbols and family pictures around the house. All these things are important...at least I think they are. I'm not sure how you could argue that they aren't. If a family were very poor, perhaps some of these things would be less attainable, but even those will fewer resources can have a clean, cheerful home! 

No, but other key aspects of a home where children will want to be are a level of peace, minimum amount of strife and unpredictability, affection, good memories, and fun! Having parents who love one another is a cornerstone for maturing children because they need to know what kind of a model to follow. I also think siblings that enjoy one another's company is a good goal to have.

Josie seems to be becoming a better cook than I! ;)

Well, we know that books have been written about how to create a good home life. I'm not going to pretend I know 100% what to do or how to do it. But as the years go on I feel like I'm getting a better idea, at least. I mean, I'm practicing every day here.

Sometimes thinking about it all at once can become a little overwhelming. It's not always possible to keep everything perfectly steady and balanced.  Because there is always going to be a chaotic side of family life. Mommy will get tired and snippy, depressed or discouraged. Chores will go neglected for either short periods or even long periods of time. There could be serious illness or serious tragedies that come and the family will have to learn to cope. Or even smaller disruptions that occur daily can threaten the noble ideals of family and home life.

The good thing is that despite all the scary possibilities, the crazy days, and the uncertain moments - actually underneath it all I personally feel the ground firm beneath my feet. I feel propelled by the belief that this is what I am meant to be doing. I feel as if I'm on my path toward heaven, along with my whole family, I hope. I am absolutely convinced of the goodness of the family, how it is a cornerstone of society and the unit in which God wishes us to grow in holiness. There is no other important work for me than to serve my family so that they have the best chance to be whole and happy. May my children see this when they grow up and may they be compelled to serve one day, too. 

“To grow in age, to grow in wisdom, to grow in grace: This is the work Joseph did with Jesus, helping him to grow in these three dimensions.” - Pope Francis

St. Joseph, patron of fathers and the home, pray for us!

babymoon

We headed out on a ferry boat to the San Juan Islands for two nights and three days. Looks like summer, right? 

Almost 30 weeks!

For the record, every single one of these "couple shots" was my idea. Always my idea. Poor Mike. In one of these series I said to him later, "hey - what happened to your smile?" His reply, "I had to rest my mouth" Oh...sorry babe!

 I think Canada is....over there?

Thinking about the kids already. I missed them right off the bat.

Being so touristy :)

The first beach we went to on the south end of the island. We ended up there kind of by accident since I gave the wrong directions. Mike should know by now never to trust me with the map or anything directionally related. Oh well, it was still a pretty beach! And we had it to ourselves since this is the off-season. In fact, we felt as if we had the whole island to ourselves practically! It was very, very quiet. We happened to get two incredibly nice days too, as you can see. We were so lucky!

 Another picture? Really? Ok, but I'm not using my smiling muscles.

Looking for whales or other sea life. No such luck this time! Again, with it being the off season we weren't expecting to see much. (Well, I was still quite hopeful that a pod of orcas would majestically show up, while Mike was the more realistic one)

 This is a little beach harbor town that had a lot of history.

 self timer!
and I want a sailboat....

Huge limestone kilns which were used by the British troops stationed here to burn the limestone which was quarried nearby on the island Later after the soldiers left, Roche Harbor became a company town.You can read more about Roche Harbor here.

Looking out from whale watch beach, which is one of the most ideal places in the Puget Sound to spot orcas and other whales. 

We thought maybe we saw some splashing around way off in the distance but we never found out if it was actually whales or anything. Unfortunately, we had forgotten our binoculars! 

Don't worry, me and little Emmett were not about to fall into the water, even if this picture suggests otherwise. I was very careful.

:) 

I can't help myself

Unfortunately the alpaca farm and country store were closed (again with the off-season thing!) but the area still made for some nice pictures.

This is back at our room! We stayed in a little Bed and Breakfast. It was my first time staying in one. Very nice! Though, I have to say, I missed our bed back home. Not only are we used to a King, but there's just something about your own bed that can't be beat.

I wouldn't mind one of these, though!

Where we stayed

One view of Friday Harbor

And then just taking a few pictures before we boarded the ferry and headed back home.

I was so anxious to get home, oh my goodness! I will even admit to breaking down and crying the second night because I missed the kids so much. Probably a big part of it is my pregnancy hormones, but even taking those into account, I don't think I'm one to leave my kids overnight.

When I was pregnant with Michael we took one night and stayed in a hotel, but that was closer and it was only for one night. This trip I had planned to be longer on purpose because I really thought I needed the retreat. In a lot of ways I'm sure I did. But now that we've done it, I'm going to be good for a while. Mike and I both thought it would be nicer just to bring the kids with us next time...seriously! Of course we need to have special time together but I'm just saying I could do with something shorter away from our babies. By the way, my wonderful sister and mom were totally competent in taking care of things back home! That wasn't the issue at all, they were great and the kids had so much fun. It was just that I missed them.

Now we are home and ready (I think) to meet the demands on the homestretch to baby #4! Yay!

(Side note: This happens to be my 1,000th Post! What? Crazy!)