(Marc Chagall The Three Candles 1940)
May 17th, 2008 was a very hot Saturday. It was the only nice warm weekend that month, and it was our wedding day! I woke up at 6:30 a.m., my friend and bridesmaid Sarah had spent the night and we were going to get ready and head over to the church where I got my makeup done. I did my own hair. I declined to have the photographer take pictures of me and my bridesmaids getting ready. I didn't care about that part of the day all that much. I couldn't
wait to see Mike, though! If I could have seen him an hour after waking up that morning I would have.
We set our wedding date to be May because he got out of school the first week in May, and I didn't want to wait any longer than that to get married. We knew we'd have to go back to Pullman for him to finish his last semester, but I didn't care. At least we'd be together! That year we were engaged and 300 miles apart was the longest, most painful, awful time in my whole life. I missed him so much it literally did hurt. I hated to say goodbye to him. I was really stressed in my job and wished I had Mike to be there for me at night to talk to and snuggle with. Our phone calls were ridiculously long and yet still not enough to tide me over between visits. I was actually a whiny, sensitive mess and it's a wonder anyone wanted to even be around me for those 12 months! (Except when Mike was in town, in which case I didn't want to see
you anyway - just him ;)
Thank goodness our wedding day came, and the honeymoon....and of course not too much longer the first positive pregnancy test! ;) That year of waiting was worth it. Life since being married has been truly wonderful. Thinking of my life without Mike makes my heart hurt and my mind go blank. My life is undeniably better with him. I know it's possible to live without a loving spouse in your life - but I don't know how I would do it! Life is hard! Life is messy and full of tears. It's laced with disappointments, pain, and fears. Having a person in your life to love you through it all for me, is, well - it's all I know now! I have someone who, at the end of the day, wants me and loves me. He cares about me and nurtures me, so that I can face another day.
Not that a spouse can be EVERYTHING to you. No, I have learned that not only through studying marriage advice books and spiritual readings, but also through experience. As much as I love Mike, and as much time as I spend gushing about him - I do know that he cannot be everything to me, and I cannot be everything to him! There is a triangle of love and it involves God! Only God can be
everything to a soul. Since we are fallen and sinful, we will inevitably let our spouses down. As they say, the people who love you the most can also hurt you the most! And that's hard. That's a hard lesson to learn, which I wouldn't say I learned until a few years into our marriage.
But it was a good revelation for me to have, because it has put a lot less pressure on Mike to fulfil me in every aspect of my life! He loves me so so much, but he knows he cannot make me happy and fulfilled like the Lord can. And same goes for me; I try my best to love him but ultimately God loves Mike infinitely more than even this doting wife does!
This has been a huge aspect of Mike and my happy marriage. I don't know how we would survive without our faith. Well, I'm sure we could survive but we would be so miserable.
The sacraments - Marriage, Holy Communion, and CONFESSION have been key for us. If I had to pinpoint a difficult year in our marriage it would be the year leading up to Emmett's birth, and in some ways maybe even this last year. With different things going on, with the demands of children and babies, and with the growing sense of comfort with one another - we have definitely had times where we've been hurtful to the other person. There have been times where we get into another argument about the same old same old, and I have literally said outloud - "I don't want to make up from this fight! Because I know we are going to have this SAME fight again in two weeks! What is the point?" Ha! I guess I thought it would be better to stay mad for two weeks??
No. Misunderstandings, strife, and quarrelling come with the territory. Big hurts and little hurts. Of course it doesn't make sense to
stay mad until the next fight comes up. People say communication is the key to a happy marriage, and it is! But for us forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness is even more important. Sometimes you can communicate until you've completely barred your soul, and if the other person still doesn't understand, sometimes it just comes down to forgiveness. It's been much easier to move on from an argument if we actively choose to forgive as opposed to just trying to sit there and talk through it for hours. Sometimes that IS what is needed, but as we move along in our marriage, we are finding that being generous with our forgiveness is even more key to the health of our relationship. You just can't be happy if you don't forgive.
I don't know. We don't have it all figured out yet. All I know is that 7 years have been the best years of my life and that's not exaggerating. If we experience half as much growth in the next 7 years - we are going to be in pretty dang good shape :) Life scares me sometimes because I know there is a lot of bad stuff left to happen. This is where Kayleen's "worry gene" comes into play. I try to keep in mind what Jesus said in Matthew which was, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Though you really should look up the whole verse - it's excellent. So yes - scary things await. But the Lord doesn't want us to worry about them! Also, good things are in store too, yes? In any case, the main thing is at least I know that the one who my heart loves, loves me back.
Both of them.
And that is a very, very good thing.
May God grant us many, more happy years together! (and more babies ;)
