Lent 2021

The Great Fast begins today! My goal is to stay off social media during the week, and only pop in on Sundays, if at all. I also have other penances lined up, but this year I don't feel like sharing all of them. It could be that I just heard the gospel reading where Jesus literally warns his disciples to not let everyone you know that you are fasting. Ha! Okay Lord, I did get your memo...(Matthew 6)

Still I feel I can share that I am in great need to carve out the space for God to work in my heart. I am so grateful for this time every year. Some years I have really thrown myself into the Fast and so much good fruit came about. Other years, I have had morning sickness, or a newborn, or for whatever other reason life itself had enough difficulty in it for me to lean on my faith as I want to be so my Lenten practices were fewer. And that is okay. Mike and I brought 6 babies into the world in a span of 12 years. We've been afforded plenty of opportunities to be humbled in our parenting adventures. (As well as life outside of parenting, of course!) We have let sin creep in, and the fallout from that has made us less loving, more selfish, and less inclined to hear God's voice. In other words, we have needed healing in a major way. *I* have needed healing. And I always will. 

Enter the actions we set to take on during Lent. Sometimes we've set high standards for Lent and failed. Sometimes we've set lower ones and seen them through to the very last day of the fast. It just depended on what was going on in life and I do believe whatever we did, however small, God used that effort for good (He is amazing like that...)

This year, I definitely feel the pull to more asceticism. I feel like I am being asked to give up more, to change my habits more dramatically, and to turn to PRAYER as my first impulse for everything. 

Feeling sad, Kayleen? Go pray. Feeling restless? Go pray. Feeling bored? Yep, you can also go pray! Side note: this was a recent revelation I had. As a busy homeschooling mother of 6, you would think being "bored" wouldn't really be a thing...but I have news for you. It is! I would maybe categorize it as a sentiment of, "what do I have to look forward to?" because especially with Covid stuff, unfortunately feeling that way is fairly common, and I know I am not alone in this. Last year I remember around this time (though Lent started a bit later) feeling on the brink of life getting REALLY crazy and busy, with a new baby. Instead, things went flat and dark and suddenly no one was doing anything, except staying home and worrying. So, my point with that is, prayer can be a great remedy to boredom! Already I have done it more in this past year than I ever had before, and I'm secretly shocked at how I feel better after going to the prayer corner and spending time in prayer. You would think after 15 years of being a Christian I would not be...shocked. You would think I'd have figured out this very handy "trick" by now :D but hey, it is what it is. 

 

The Liturgical color in the Eastern Rite for Lent is red, not purple like in the Roman tradition. 

But back to Lent 2021. It is here. It is good. It is NECESSARY. And I am ready. Will you join me in offering something up for the next 6 weeks? Even if you aren't a Catholic or even a Christian - you could do it and see what happens. Think of something that you lean on but that isn't necessary to living. Soda? Coffee creamer? Playing on your phone before falling asleep? Chocolate? It could be anything but the point isn't so much that you are letting go of it, but that you are filling it with something better. Maybe, if you don't believe in God, it could be that you fill it with acts of service. Or you could give the money to charity that you would have spent on that "treat." It is worth a try! You might be surprised at the good fruit it yields in your life. Just for 6 weeks. See if you can do it, even if you are the type of person who enjoys a good challenge. You would be joining millions of Catholics around the world doing the same. 

For our family, this year's journey to Pascha (Easter) feels full to the brim with potential. What will God do in our lives? How will we be moved? Challenged? Blessed? What growth will we experience or what area of our lives will reveal more work to be done? But because I am a Christian, most of all, my heart swells thinking of that sweet day in March when we will celebrate the end of the 40 days in the desert, and the end of death - or, as we Christians call it, the day of Resurrection! Because that is the entire point, right?

Naomi's first 3 months

Naomi is my second baby to be born during the summer. But she's my first baby to be born when I've had AC in my house! :) It helped so much, since I am a huge wimp when it comes to being hot. Even though our bedroom would still get somewhat hot, even with the AC blasting (since it was upstairs) it was definitely bearable. The downstairs was comfortable and pleasant. I was/am so grateful!

 

We stayed cool inside, while they stayed cool outside....

It actually was a really nice summer...even with Covid restrictions. 

I mentioned how Naomi was pretty fussy basically since birth. She had a hard time adjusting to life outside the cozy comfort of the womb...and I don't blame her. On top of that, she didn't get the hang of nursing right away, so it created tension and stress on ME, which undoubtedly rubbed off on her. There is some crazy amazing science behind the connection between mother and newborn that paints a picture of intimate exchanges of everything from bacteria on our skins to hormone transfers, to impacted moods. I think Naomi felt my tension and I felt her tension and it became a cycle of heightened stress for a while there. It was only after about 5 weeks that we finally got breastfeeding down better, and after that I feel like we both chilled out a LOT very quickly.

Little jaundiced, breeched-legs baby :D 

So, for the first month, Naomi was a sleepy newborn, but also a mad newborn. She screamed through every diaper change...which in fairness to her isn't that unusual with our young babies. She slept but only for short bits of time. She cried when she couldn't latch...and then later when I was pumping and giving her milk from the bottle, she would cry when she was being burped. She hated being burped! Poor girl probably just had tummy issues.

Only the magic hold kept us sane. Mike would hold her against his chest, facing out and supporting her so she was straight upright in his arms. Preferably in front of a mirror in the bathroom, for some odd reason. She would always calm down with that hold. Funny thing was, if *I* held her this way, she did NOT calm down! It had to be daddy...

The Magic hold 

I will say, for memory's sake, Covid afforded us a great blessing in the way of having Mike home. This time around, for the first time, Mike was able to take a full 6 weeks off for the birth of a baby. With all of our other babies, it was only 2 weeks. So we already were excited about that! When covid hit, and his company sent everyone to work from home, we couldn't believe it! As with everything else, it started out as being only for 2 weeks...then a month...then 3 months...and now it will be a YEAR AND A HALF. They aren't slated to go back until July 2021, and even then, we are hoping with will be only part time in the office. He would even be happy to work full time from home indefinitely, but we will see. We can't even believe how amazing it has been to have him working from home for Naomi's whole first year of life. They are going to have a special bond, no doubt, due to his constant presence in her life like this.

Back to the first few months. Naomi has always slept well at night. That has been a blessing, too. She wouldn't take long naps during the day, but at night she would flip a switch and sleep for longer stretches (for a newborn) Usually 2-3 hour stretches! And she would nurse (or take a bottle for that first month) and go back to sleep pretty easily! That saved us.

She was also great in the carseat and going on drives. This has always been the case with us for our babies (with a few exceptions here and there. I remember Emmett wasn't *always* happy in the car...but he wasn't always unhappy either) This helped us too, because again, during the Summer/Fall of Covid, there were times when we really wanted to get out of the house but had limited places to go. Sometimes we would go visit nana and papa, or more often we would just pack the kids in the car and go on errands, or to get ice cream at Sonic, or listen to books on Audible and drive around. We had to figure out ways to get out when we had been home for too many days in a row....and it was tremendously helpful that Naomi would calm down and sleep when we did that.

First picture of all 6!

I think one of the hardest aspects of the first 6 weeks or so was trying to heal myself (I think I've complained enough about how painful that incision was!) and see the other kids and make them feel loved, while of course taking care of baby. It is always a challenge to do that; to juggle the needs of the newest member of the family with the existing members....you just feel torn in many different directions. It's really hard to stop and remind yourself that the older kids will be FINE. That just because they go through a short period of time where mama is preoccupied does not mean they are going to be permanently damaged from lack of attention. Yes, they need mama to show them love and attention, but they can survive with dad for a while. Still, I struggled and felt like even with my sixth baby, I was pushing myself and spreading myself too thin trying to be there for all of them. It was Michael's birthday just 8 days after Naomi's birth-day, so I was able to come downstairs and sing happy birthday with the kids. He is such a sweetheart.

Naomi grew and grew and we bonded more and more. She started to smile and coo and make more and more sounds. She started to bond with each sibling, watching them intently every time they would come close. She began to reach out for objects (starting at 3 months) and we fell more and more in love with her each day. 

Princessa

We are so thankful for the first few months of Naomi's life being challenging, yet rewarding. Fun, yet tiring. Joyful, yet sorrowful (due to Covid. But to be honest, I would rather forget that part.)

#6!

Naomi Helen's Pregnancy and Birth Story

When we found out we were pregnant with Naomi, we were thrilled! We actually had lost a baby (my first miscarriage) only a month and a half before and still had that in our minds. I did have some worries about my body being able to carry a baby to term and for nothing serious to be wrong, but let's face it - I always had those worries with all my pregnancies.

Morning sickness was pretty bad for the first 14-15 weeks. I was fatigued a lot, and even when I was exhausted, I had a hard time sleeping. Pregnancy insomnia was intense this time around, and it lasted basically all 9 months. Fortunately, the throwing up only lasted about 16 weeks. Once that faded away, I felt generally better with normal pregnancy discomfort in the second trimester.

At the end of January (So I was about 3 months pregnant) Mike and I got to use a gift certificate we had received from my grandparents to spend a few nights at Salish Lodge. We enjoyed the time to ourselves, waking up to the sound of Snoqualmie Falls outside our window, and laying around in bed watching movies and catching up together. The Covid-19 crisis was just starting to be talked about. I remember laying in bed watching CDC officials give announcements about it. Obviously at that point it was mostly contained to China, but was beginning to pop up in other countries. We lay there not knowing what was to come. I'm so glad we got that little vacation before we welcomed baby #6; but maybe more importantly, before we had to wear masks everywhere and stay 6 feet apart from people. In hindsight, yes, I will always cherish that last big outing because now staying in a hotel with all the regulations makes me shudder.

The rest of my pregnancy was mostly uneventful. We found out she was a girl at our 20 week scan. Thankfully, all her anatomy looked great, and some of our fears were put to rest. Like all of our other babies, Mike and I named her after this appointment and started calling her by her name. The kids were so happy they were getting a little SISTER. I loved how Penny latched on to her name and for the longest time would pronounce it "Nay - OMI" (with an emphasis on the second syllable. So cute.) I had all the normal pregnancy symptoms (for me) like fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, weight gain (whoo-boy, so much more weight gain with #6, unfortunately), and some heartburn. It was only at my 36 week appointment that we learned...

Naomi in breech position! 

Naomi was breech! My midwife was genuinely surprised when she did that last check. She pulled out the ultrasound machine to make sure, and yes, we had a breech baby on our hands. I had never had my babies not in the right position for birth before. I was pretty floored. And due to the Coronavirus pandemic raging at this point (at least, everyone's reactions to it) I had a lot of thoughts swirling in my mind about how this was going to work. I was told I could try a Version procedure in a week to see if they could manually turn her. I was told it worked about 50% of the time, and in the meantime I could try a few things on my own. I was kind of distressed by the end of the appointment after she explained all that would have to happen in the next few weeks: basically culminating in a planned C-section. I hate to admit this but in my mind that day I pretty much knew that she would come out that way. I wish I could have kept an open mind, because there is actually evidence that your mindset can make a difference in things like this. But, I think I was at that point too exhausted with the pregnancy and had SO MUCH anxiety over Covid, that I resigned myself to the C-section happening.

Now, we did try the version. I had to take a Covid test two days before. (A very unpleasant test with a huge swab stuck far back into both nostrils, ugh!) I was frustrated because when we showed up to the hospital, I was treated the very same way I would have had I not taken a Covid test, and it having come back negative. For example, the doctor who attempted the version asked me to put on a mask. (I politely declined pointing to the fact that I had just gotten the test and it was negative, plus I was already really struggling with anxiety, and almost in tears because I knew the procedure would be painful.) I just don't understand why I took the test in the first place if everything was going to be the same either way. But anyway; the procedure: It hurt! He and the midwife had to push rather hard on my belly to try to get Naomi to turn. It really, really hurt. I cried. They tried three times, but then said they couldn't get her to flip and they didn't want to hurt her, so they would just have to schedule the c-section for the following week, when she was exactly 39 weeks. 

There were some benefits to having a planned birth. I don't think it would have made quite the same difference had it not been for Covid? I mean, we were still able to arrange child care for our five children (who went to three different places!) and we also arranged to have our house deep cleaned while we were in the hospital. I'm not gonna lie, I was *almost* as excited about that as I was about having a baby. Ha! But really, the best part of having it planned was that my anxiety about coming into the hospital while in labor and having to jump through the Covid hoops was taken away. I was told that women going into the hospital would be required to take a Covid test upon arrival. While they awaited the results the mother would have to be in a mask!!! While IN LABOR! Then, if the test came back negative she could take it off. So yeah. I was having a real hard time imagining myself laboring while wearing a mask. I will never forget the anxiety I felt over this prospect and my heart goes out to any woman in 2020 who had to wear a facemask while experiencing labor...arguably the most intense endeavor a woman will ever go through. Unreal!

Okay, so back to my birth story. The week between the (failed) version and the scheduled date (July 29th, 8 a.m.) was pretty busy. I finally washed the newborn clothes, did last minute organizing, and planned the kids' overnights. We were told to plan for 3 days at the hospital. Normally I've always stayed just 24 hours after birth so this would be weird!

On July 28th, Mike finished up a very busy day at work and started to get the kids to their respective accommodations. Then we went out to dinner together, which was actually for the first time since March that we got to eat out together at a restaurant. It was a lovely dinner date. Afterward we went home and did some last minute things around the house, and went to bed. I had such a hard time sleeping but morning came and we packed up early to get to the hospital by 6:30 a.m.!

Getting set up for the C-section was pretty straight forward. I was feeling increasingly nervous. They were going to try an inversion again after the epidural block was in, just to try one last time in case she was willing to turn. In my mind, I knew it was futile. It was worth a shot but I by that point I was completely psychologically prepared for the C-section to happen. I was mostly nervous for all the medical stuff they were about to do. I wasn't feeling too worried about Naomi...which is actually abnormal for me. That is usually who I am stressing out most about; the baby and their health and everything! But for some reason, I was calm about her and more freaked out about being cut open. It makes sense...it was my first C-section after all.

 

After being wheeled into the operating room at EXACTLY 7:30a.m. (thankfully they didn't put a mask on me. I was worried but it would have been really dumb to...because later on it would have proven quite difficult to throw up while wearing a mask!) The anesthesiologist did her thing. She was good! I barely felt a thing. The medicine started to work, they laid me down and stretched out my arms (think like Jesus on the cross!) The doctor came in with one of my midwives and they began to try to turn her again. Sadly, it was futile, just as I had thought. (and yes, I'm sure my attitude about the whole thing contributed to the outcome. The mind is a powerful thing!) After about 15 minutes of trying, the midwife looked at me and said, "sometimes we just have to trust the baby. She doesn't want to turn. And we don't want to hurt her)  

Okay so at this point, once they were about ready to start cutting...something strange started to happen. I began to feel extreme, horrible, upsetting nausea. It came on fast and strong. I was basically unable to move my head more than a little bit to the side but I felt like I needed to throw up so badly that I wanted off the table, so I was throwing my head over the side but I was obviously unable to go anywhere! I hadn't eaten since the night before, so there was nothing in my tummy to throw up. But, it was an overwhelming urge, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I was gagging so much that I felt like I couldn't breath. Honestly, this was one of the worst parts of the whole thing! Talking to some women after the fact, it sounds like this is a fairly common occurrence. I wasn't warned about it beforehand by anyone though, so it caught me completely off guard. Eventually, after a few minutes (felt like longer) the anesthesiologist was able to adjust the ratios of different medicines through the iv and I felt better. Then it was time to cut!

Did you know in a C-section, they have to cut through SEVEN layers? Yep: "The seven layers are the skin, fat, rectus sheath (medical term for the coating outside the abs), the rectus (abs, which are split along the grain somewhat more than cut), the parietal peritoneum (first layer surrounding the organs), the loose peritoneum and then the uterus, which is a very thick muscular layer." Good times! It doesn't take all that long - just another few minutes. I didn't feel anything and Mike didn't look too closely...he waited until baby was visible...

I kept waiting to hear her cry. It took just a little bit longer than I was expecting to hear her. Mike said it was partially because she was face down (like facing my back) and the doctor grabbed her basically by her butt. Then, apparently she pooped on him! Hahahaha. That's what they got for pulling her out a week early! She cried a few seconds later and like always, I started to bawl. She sounded so good. She did sound a little offended that we had pulled her out before she was ready. Sorry, baby. So sorry that it had to be this way! 

She was a gorgeous, perfect little thing. Our smallest baby! 7lbs 4ounces. And she would have likely still been our smallest, even if she had stayed in another week or two. Most of our babies were in the high 8, low 9lb range! 

The C-Section aftermath was not as great as a vaginal birth for me. I loved holding all my babies and nursing immediately...like while the doctor is still checking me out and everything. But of course, I had to be stitched back up. I can't remember if the doctor asked again if I wanted my tubes tied..? I think he did. Which was sort of annoying because I had already repeated my desire to leave my tubes alone thankyouverymuch, but I guess he wanted to triple check? Nope doctor, please put everything back the way ya found it!

Once that was all taken care of we got to go back to the room, and then I got to nurse her. Honestly Naomi was not all that interested at first. She had such a tiny little mouth, and she was pretty sleepy. So we tried a bit, but she just fell asleep. Now, the thing about Naomi in the first few days, and then weeks, is that she was kind of an angry little thing. She would cry a LOT and it was really hard to console her. She screamed her head off those first two nights and the only thing she would really respond to was Mike holding her in a certain way. She was probably hungry too, but I was at that point giving her expressed collostrum so I couldn't figure out why she would be so ravenous. Usually babies just a few hours old don't need that much to feel "full." My theory is that she was just not ready to come out, and it took her longer to adjust to the outside world. 

ouch!

So that was actually rough for me. I was alllll puffy and sore from the procedure. I tell you, that pain was unreal for me. Even with the pain meds, I was having so much difficulty getting comfortable. When they try to get me to stand up and walk to the bathroom pretty soon after the epidural wore off, I was in agony. Now days, in the hospital with the opiod epidemic or whatever, they are extremely stingy with the pain meds. Every single dose they had to go through a big rig-a-ma-roll; asking me what my pain level was at and making sure it was like, to the minute, time for the next dose. Finally I just told the nurse, please, just give me the Oxy every time. She whispered that they weren't supposed to give it unless I said my pain was a 7 or above. So from then on I just said my pain was always at a 9. Because it was! But that pain scale is so dumb, in my opinion. Oh well. 

I hated this. I just wanted to HOLD her!

Naomi also tested really high for her jaundice levels. That was a tricky thing, too, because we think the pediatrician who first came to our room when Naomi was a two days old, thought that she was only a day old. So she was getting a reading that looked especially high. She told us she would need the bili lights...which again, was another first for us! Naomi had to have her own path in life.

We also had to continue the billi lights at home which turned out to be a huge pain as well. 

At long last, after three days in the hospital, we got to go home. We almost had to stay longer, due to her jaundice levels still being higher than they wanted, but they did let us go with the number of an at home-bili lights company that we had to get set up with. 

We were so ready to get home! I was still struggling quite a bit with the pain and feeling tired and not super happy about how breastfeeding was going thus far. She still screamed a LOT and seemed generally very uncomfortable. Poor girl! That was hard. I was still super beat up from the procedure and tired since I barely slept with an uncomfortable baby. Usually, with my other babies, I would get a few hours of sleep in, even the first night or two. Because my babies would nurse and be content for at least a few hours. But Naomi was literally not happy for 45 minutes at a time. It was very hard! I felt like I was in for a bumpy ride even though this was my sixth time doing this!

After getting home, we got to introduce Naomi to her siblings. It was so sweet seeing all of them behold their new, tiny sister. Again though, the bittersweet thing about it was that I was still in a lot of pain and no one could really get too close to me as they would want to sit in my lap. Poor Penny had to be reminded MANY times not to climb in mommy's lap. It broke my heart! Mike was a champ though, juggling everything he needed to and keeping me fed and Naomi in the bili lights (because I couldn't even reach down to pick her up from the crib on my own) PLUS 5 other kids' needs. Pretty heroic actually. The nights were definitely rougher than usual, again, different from our other babies. Naomi was still not nursing well so I was getting really frustrated and having to pump milk in order to get her satisfied. It took a full FIVE DAYS for my milk to come in. Poor love was super hungry for a while there. We even gave her formula for 2 days which...yes...again was a first for us! 

Things for the first month are a blur now. I wrote on Instagram how things were going....so I have those memories preserved there. She got off the bili lights after 3 days (even though if felt WAY longer!) She drank pumped milk from a bottle for about 3 weeks which was really exhausting. I complained a lot. I cried a lot. Mike did his best to juggle everyone's needs, but even for him, after several weeks he was getting really run down as well. I will definitely remember this time as being the roughest post-partum period so far. Naomi just required a lot of new things we hadn't been used to and it took longer to adjust.

I was so relieved that after about a month, we finally got breastfeeding down. When she was two weeks old, my midwife convinced me that getting her tongue clipped due to a slight tongue tie might be the best thing to help her nurse better. And while I didn't see an immediate change, I do think it helped eventually. I was so relieved when I got to pack away the breast pump and bottles for the last time and put it back in storage. Ugh! I really hope I never have to use that again! (Not that I don't want another baby, but just that if we do, that he/she will be able to nurse easily!)

Well, that is the end of Naomi's birth story for now! She is already 5 months old (how??) So I should have lots of material to fill in :) I am so glad I was able to write down her birth story! Even though blogging has slowed WAAAAAY down, I didn't want her left out! And, I am actually hoping to continue to blog into 2021 so that will be lovely!

We love our Naomi!